Four honest stories about cancer. A Story of Hellish Pain Real Stories of Cancer Patients

Friends, Masha Gritsay recently died. In September, I posted her message on my blogs. Thanks to the help of those who transferred money for her treatment, Masha passed away not in terrible agony at home, where she was sent from a Russian hospital, refusing further treatment, but in a German clinic - at least without pain. German doctors couldn't save her. It was too late. They are inclined to believe that Masha was given the wrong diagnosis in Russia, and as a result, the wrong treatment was prescribed, which gradually killed her. When she got to Germany, her body was so exhausted that it could no longer fight. In addition, she had a severe infection in her lungs, which our doctors simply “did not notice”. Masha's last wish was for as many people as possible to know her story. She hoped that public opinion could somehow change our thoroughly rotten medicine.

By the way, one of the drugs that Masha took as prescribed by Russian doctors - xeloda - has long been banned in Germany. Cancer patients in Russia wait for months in line for an MRI, and often, when it comes up, the MRI is no longer needed. In Germany, in all public clinics, there is an unspoken rule - if there are more than 3 people in the queue for an MRI, the hospital buys an additional device. In Germany, patients with stage 4 are not told: “We are sending you home to survive.” They are being treated! The Germans have achieved such results that patients with this stage live for 10-15 years. And they do not lie in bed, but live a normal life and even go to work.

Our medicine lags behind the medicine of Western countries for decades! And so that the trolls do not attack me again with denials and objections, I publish an excerpt from Inna Denisova's article "Doctors Without Borders" (http://www.colta.ru/docs/7036):

Vladimir Nosov, oncogynecologist

“……In my 6th year, I received a presidential scholarship and chose Yale University. It was already clear to me then that American medicine was ahead of the rest. The head of the department was called a funny name - Frederik Naftolin, he became my supervisor and mentor. I went to Yale for nine months. I was the first Russian in this department - no one came from Russia before me.

Almost everything in America was affected. From appearance hospitals - the wards for women in labor were unusually impressive - to masterfully composed training conferences for residents once a week. The independence of the residents performing complex operations and taking responsibility for their decisions was striking - it was impossible to imagine in Russia, where two years of residency could not be done no operation. In Moscow, on night duty, I once asked the surgeon:

Take me to the operating room.

He replied:

And why am I going to teach you, they don’t pay me money for this.

In general, I decided everything for myself. And, returning to the Moscow residency, he passed the remaining two exams in order to enter the residency at Yale University. The training lasted five years.

« Current topic - early diagnosis of ovarian cancer”, Professor Naftolin told me. I then thought: Cancer? Not mine". But got interested. That's how it all started. In the first year of residency, I realized that in oncogynecology there are the most complex operations, the most emergency situations, the most difficult patients. The only doubt was the tension associated with this work, and what it brought people to. All the gynecologists I saw were nervous and unbalanced, because they worked for days, canceling out all their personal lives. Once, at the beginning of my residency, I hit my arm with tweezers with all my might just because the surgeon couldn’t see anything behind my hook. Another surgeon periodically fought with the nurses and clobbered the instrument racks: he was immediately sent on vacation, he went to Canada, killed a moose there, the silk one returned, smiled for a while, then the pace starts to increase again - and again the racks are turned upside down. I didn't want to be like that.

After residency, I passed fellowship in California, it was a three-year program. It acquires unique skills: for three years I fulfilled 900 operations, gained experience in chemotherapy and unique knowledge in the management of cancer patients.

One year of Presidential Scholarship, five years of residency and three years fellowship I spent a total of nine years in America.

In the process, job offers arose. But after passing the national certification exams (“boards”), I realized: this is an open bridge, on which you can go in the opposite direction at any time. That is, I can always return to America, even today, even tomorrow. And in Russia, the niche is practically free. There are several specialists - and that's it. And then I thought that here you can create a lot of things. I came with the illusion that people would part, accept me into the community and want to learn from my experience. In America, there is a well-functioning structure, there is a system of education for residents ( fellows). There is nothing similar in Russia: two years of residency is negligible. It seemed to me that coming home and establishing an education system would be selfless.

The chief obstetrician-gynecologist of Russia, Leyla Adamyan, supported my undertaking and took me as an assistant to her department. The problems began literally from the very first steps: in order to get Russian certificates, I had to prove for a long time in Roszdravnadzor that the education of Yale and California universities was no worse than the Russian one. When I finally received the long-awaited certificates with which I could engage in clinical practice, a bumpy road began. While operating, I traveled to several cathedral hospitals, and there was also one private clinic where I could see. My salary was a cathedral - 12 000 rubles per month. I lived in my parent's apartment without spending money on food. I was 31 years old.

Soon I was offered to head a new department of oncogynecology, which opened at the Scientific Center for Obstetrics, Gynecology and Perinatology on Oparina Street. I agreed, thinking: "Now everything will begin." But again - it was not there. Immediately there was a crazy resistance from the oncological community. Five or seven leading oncogynecologists of the country were indignant: what kind of oncology department is this? There was no confrontation on my part - I simply did not focus on these people. And he was guided solely by his skills and knowledge, and even evidence-based medicine - this seemed to me sufficient.

The oncological picture that I saw in Russia horrified me. Chemotherapy most Moscow dispensaries carried out 1985 standards drugs cisplatin and cyclophosphamide, which have already shown their low efficiency and high toxicity, but cost three kopecks: therefore, in most dispensaries in Moscow they are still prescribed by default. This is the most popular treatment for ovarian cancer. Although there is another scheme that is accepted throughout the world as the gold standard, the drugs are expensive: therefore, they are not offered in city dispensaries. And, of course, scared fate of cancer patients who in Russia are the poor, the unfortunate. No one explains or tells them anything, they go around hell on cheap, underdosed drugs and feel doomed.

Working as a manager, I was forced to write a bunch of services. For example, to get brushes for a cytological smear. They said: " We do not have"- and I had to use some improvised means. Most of the work came down to figuring out how to make high-tech things cheaply and on the knee, to constant savings and restrictions when you can’t ask for a tool, realizing that then you might not get it for a more important operation.

I tried to introduce several innovations: in particular, we had a very poor representation of organ-preserving surgery for oncological diseases - when not all organs are removed during cancer, and for young women who do not have children yet, part of the reproductive system can be saved so that they have a chance to endure and give birth to a child. Previously, the diagnosis of cancer meant three things: "remove everything, irradiate and chemicalize." Laparoscopy in oncogynecology is also very poorly represented: again, many old oncologists still believe that oncological disease there is a contraindication for laparoscopic surgery, that laparoscopy does not allow to remove in sufficient volume and contributes to the spread of the disease.

All these myths live in our medicine, while the whole world switched to new laparoscopic operations 15 years ago. Since 2006, the world has been practicing intraperitoneal chemotherapy for ovarian cancer: when a part is injected into a vein, and another part directly into the abdominal cavity, where the disease is located. With such chemotherapy, people are much more likely to be cured, but I do not know a single hospital in Moscow that deals with intraperitoneal chemotherapy for ovarian cancer, except for ours.

I have seen different things in my life. But when I first came to the Cancer Center on Kashirka, I fell into despair. Gray, huge, empty corridors, unfortunate patients who, getting there, cease to want to live, a feeling of a gloomy conveyor belt. I was like a visitor - and I felt uneasy: this is a place where it is unbearable psychologically. And today it is still the leading cancer center in the country. Officially in Russia cancer treatment free, although everyone who has ever encountered this knows the prices.

As a result, I didn’t work out with the Center for Obstetrics and Gynecology: the authorities expected me to go to oncology dispensaries and leave business cards so that patients would later be sent to me for surgery. I said that, unfortunately, I know how to operate and treat, but I don’t know how to sell myself at all. Also, the authorities were not very pleased that I quickly write everyone out. In Russia, there is such a thing as “bed turnover” - ideally, a bed should be filled 365 days a year so that there is no downtime. Our beds worked much less: I did not keep anyone for 10-12 days, I discharged everyone on the fourth day. When the patient begins to walk, eat, drink and take painkillers, he can be at home, where the risk of nosocomial infection is much less.

In general, the owners of the center were not very pleased with the fact that all the beds were not filled with me and that I did not make efforts to attract patients to the department. Due to the success or uniqueness of operations (for example, for the first time in an oncological hospital, the Wertheim operation was performed - a difficult laparoscopic operation for cervical cancer with very quick recovery patient and minimal blood loss) no one followed. I did not expect that someone would carry me in their arms, but such an attitude seemed strange. As a result, I wrote a letter of resignation.

In America, neither the doctor nor the patient sees any cash: everything is paid for by insurance companies. And here the sick all the time feel the need to thank the doctor and carry cognac and singed vodka. I don't drink hard liquor - but two cupboards are still stocked. I don’t understand this approach and every time I feel uncomfortable, but this is a duty gratitude in Russia, people are offended if you don’t take their vodka.

Thoughts about America periodically arose: why not throw everything to hell and go back? The only thing that stopped me was that I had already called myself a load and would not respect myself if I turned halfway. Therefore, until I reach some kind of my own limit, I will not be able to go anywhere.

I recently came to work in a private medical clinic as the head of the department of gynecology and oncogynecology. With some doctors - for example, Badma Bashankaev - we graduated from the same faculty of science: we both studied and worked in America, we have similar life stories and ways of thinking.

I feel like a reformer. But it is too early to think about changes on a national scale. Today, change is possible within a particular institution, where enthusiasts gather who value technology and education. But within the country they are impossible: you need to start breaking the system with purchased exams, the prices for which are known to any student.

While I was working in a government institution, all the time I felt the conflict between the “Westerners” and the traditional Soviet school: any old oncology professor willingly called all my decisions wrong. Now, even if this conflict exists, it no longer bothers me. I'm practicing evidence-based medicine. There is always a scientific source to turn to. Russian doctors turn to twenty year old textbooks, because they simply don’t know English, to the phrases “I was taught that way” or “I think it should work this way.” Now the conflict between scientific and clinical schools has been leveled for me: I do not have to prove my tactics to those who are a priori opposed to them. And this is a breath of air. If everything develops according to this scenario, I won’t leave anywhere.”

This letter makes me want to go to jail all The Ministry of Health or protect the building with a prison wall... Both on the gruel and on the cells! After all, all their work today comes down to paperwork, to the invention of new instructions, for the violation of which you can take bribes, and to the issuance of licenses for merchants from medicine.

Medicine has come full starved man!

The slogan of Russian medical managers is: “Treat is long and expensive!”, And in no case is it “quick and cheap”.

Under Soviet rule, all of them would have been in prison for a long time, but today they are respected people.

There are quite a lot of decent, decent doctors in Russia, but in the system of "profit on the sick" they are powerless to change anything.

Golikov must be brought to justice! And Onishchenko with her! And their predecessors!

To the lynching at least on the Internet.

They should be condemned to shame on all sites related to medicine.

In Soviet times, there was no worse punishment than getting together, pointing your finger at someone and chanting for a long, loud and drawn out chorus: “U suuuuu ... ka!”

So what to do? There is no other control over them.

I will tell you about one case no less heartbreaking than the letter you just read.

My good friend from Khabarovsk has two Moscow medluminary had an operation in Moscow. He had oncology in his head: they revealed not cut out and… closed! They didn’t tell the truth, but they took the money for the supposedly removed tumor. In Soviet times, for this - ten years of strict regime, where godfathers with sixes will smack them, lower them and goat!

I do not name their names at the request of the victim. He forgave them, so he still lives.

So it turns out that our simple poor, and therefore kind, people collect money for true help to the unfortunate. As in the case of Masha.

You know what a joyful letter she wrote to me before her death ... With gratitude to those who helped her. There were so many that it's impossible to name them all. But at the request of Masha, I give the names and surnames of the journalists who placed her in a German clinic and paid for tickets to Germany for her and her husband: Elizaveta Maetnaya (“Izvestia”), Irina Reznik (“Vedomosti”), Oksana Semyonova (“AIDS-info ").

P.S. I would like to respond to several comments on the previous post at once.

Wow, how many were excited by the story of Dantes-Gorky! Interestingly, the words "morons" and "nitpicking" are made up of the same consonants. So they have the same meaning.

Only jerks may take seriously the retelling of Arkanov's "short story" by Shklovsky. And to make claims to me - to the one who only stated all this. At the same time, check the dates of birth of Dantes and Gorky, search Wikipedia for the year in which Gorky first went abroad, and so on ... Without even realizing that the main point of my retelling was in the last remark of an illiterate pepper at the next table. How much more do we have jerks, whose meaning of life is nitpicking, in catching "fleas" on the web. By the way, " net” is a very accurate word for them, meaning what they get confused about.

The nationwide fundraising for the filming of a film about Rurik continues! Read the details on the website

Unfortunately, the danger lies in wait for cancer patients not only when they feel very bad, but also when they feel better and begin to show some activity.

In this article, I want to share three stories of cancer patients as examples to illustrate the dangers that patients face when they get better.

Story one

Man, 73 years old

Cancer sigmoid colon with metastases to the liver and spine

His relatives turned to me a year ago when they refused to treat him in a hospital, saying that he had only 2-3 months left to live.

The patient was in severe depression.

He refused to eat, there was a very strong anemia.

He did not get up all the time while I was watching him, he could only rise on his hands on the bed.

Treatment

During the work with him, anemia was overcome. The patient was taken off morphine, and only 200 milligrams of tramadol was included in his analgesic regimen, which, taking into account the extent of damage to the body, I consider a very good result.

It was possible to stop a sharp weight loss, and the man began to gradually gain weight, although the last statement is subjective, since it was problematic to weigh it.

The patient was brought out of depression, and began to take part in the life of the family.

And it was too early to move without insurance ...

After 9 months, he felt able to lead a slightly more active lifestyle. He began to sit on the bed, asked to be helped to reach the chair, and sat there.

And he said that he really feels better.

One evening, when his relatives were not around, he got up from the sofa to go to the next room and take the remote control from the TV. Halfway through, he tripped over the carpet, fell, and broke his spine.

A week later he was gone, and there was nothing I could do to help him after the fracture of the spine.

Story two

Man, 63

small intestine cancer

Solitary metastasis to the spine

Multiple liver metastases

Complaints at the time of application:

• severe intractable pain

  rapid weight loss

Hospitalization at home was denied.

Treatment

Pain was completely removed after 12 weeks from the moment of treatment, and then the number of analgesics and NSAIDs (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs) in the pain management regimen was reduced.

Overcame anemia, stopped weight loss.

Within 6 months, an objective reduction of liver metastases was achieved.

Beware of hypothermia and drafts

The patient went to his homeland in Armenia, where, despite the warm September, he caught a cold while sitting in the garden, and two days later he died of rapidly developing pneumonia.

Story three

Man, 65 years old

prostate cancer

Metastases in the pelvis

Severe pain that prevents a person from even getting out of bed.

Malabsorption syndrome, against the background of which there was a rapid weight loss.

Tramadol stopped helping, he was offered to switch to morphine.

Treatment

In the course of treatment, it was possible to achieve normalization of the blood composition. The patient was returned to tramadol.

Pain objectively decreased to the extent that the anesthesia regimen was revised twice in order to reduce analgesics and NSAIDs in it.

The patient stopped losing weight and began to gradually gain weight.

If the patient has been lying down for a long time, you should not get up without consulting a doctor

He felt much better and, without the knowledge of his relatives, he himself got up and walked around the apartment.

On the night of the same day he died. An autopsy showed that the cause of death was a blood clot.

Do not overestimate the capabilities of your body

I cited these three cases as examples of the fact that the danger lies in wait for a cancer patient even when he seems to have a steady improvement.

Relatives and the patients themselves should take into account such moments, and even when the patient is better, before changing the established lifestyle, it is imperative to consult a doctor.

Unfortunately, none of these three patients thought about the question - what will happen if he starts a more active life.

Not always the transition to the active state is a blessing.

If a person has been eating parenterally for a long time, and then he wants to eat food himself, you need to prepare for this.

If a person has been lying down for many months, and then wants to get up and go, one must also prepare for this. At least ask relatives to insure him.

If a person did not leave the house for several months, and then he felt better, and he wanted to take a walk, you also need to prepare for this. Beware of both hypothermia and overheating on the street.

The body, despite the improved blood counts and good health, is still very weak. And a trip to the market or a walk in the garden can cross out all the treatment.

And such crowded places as a market, a shopping center, etc. generally to be avoided. Even visiting relatives should be limited, especially in autumn-winter period when the flu hits.

In fact, a cancer patient, even in remission, needs to be protected, as baby. A cold or the flu virus can kill him.

Of course, I warned relatives that such problems could arise. Unfortunately, they did not take these warnings seriously.

The good news is that stories like this are rare. Most cancer patients, especially women, listen to advice and take care of themselves.

So that patients do not get into such situations, I wrote this article.

My father has always been a strong man. He served in the Northern Fleet, on a nuclear submarine. Then he served under a contract in a closed military town, the name of which will not tell you anything. Completed the contract, retired. Our family bought a nice apartment in a new building under the program of military certificates. It seemed that life began to unfold in a new way, but suddenly grief came to our family. After one of the medical examinations, a slight blackout was revealed in my father's left lung, he was sent to the regional center for additional examination, so for the first time in our house the terrible word "oncology" sounded. Surgery was prescribed as a treatment, and the affected lobe of the lung was amputated. You should have seen this scar ... From the shoulder blade almost to the nipple. But the military, even the former, scars are not a hindrance. Of course, repeated examinations were scheduled, and about a year after the operation, again like thunder - “oncology”, “relapse”. Metastases spread throughout the body, endless, debilitating, but almost nothing decisive courses of chemotherapy began. It is very scary - to see how your loved one is fading away and not be able to help absolutely nothing. It was the scariest period of my life. Father coughed up blood, sometimes lost consciousness, and then a rescue ambulance flew to us again and again. A low bow to all the guys fastmen. And how many injections were made, it is simply impossible to count, the stomach, legs, buttocks acquired an eerie blue-black color. And then the father left for another course of chemotherapy. Before leaving the house, he said to his mother - "I think I'm going there for the last time." Nothing can express the pain that takes possession of you when you talk on the phone with a loved one and hear how hard it is for him to breathe, how he is constantly sick and vomits. My father never returned from this trip. The night before we were discharged, we received a call from the hospital saying that he had passed away. Words are unable to contain that despair, that hopelessness that came at that moment. We all knew what oncology leads to, but it is impossible to prepare for the outcome, it always comes suddenly.
My father has been gone for more than a year and a half. He often dreams of me at night. Once I dreamed that we met with him in the cemetery, near his grave. He was all so light, as if weightless. We hugged tightly then and I kept sobbing, and he tried to calm me down. I also woke up from tears, for the first time in my life I sobbed in a dream and for a long time I could not stop.
I miss him so much and always will.
Damn oncology.

To tell the truth, writing an article on one of the TM sites has not been part of my plans until now. I registered with an opportunity somewhere in 2012, either to answer some article, or to ask a question to the author of it. I couldn’t do either because of read-only, so I haven’t logged in since then. Today in the mailing list I found a link to the article “Cancer. What to do about it and what not to do. Personal experience.".

What's this?

Section of spiral computed tomography.
Whoever finds the "blank spot" from the article below will get a pie from the shelf, for what they found, but two stupid radiologists did not find.

1. Prologue.

Once, leaving the gym, as it should be, decently warmed up and running home, as it should be for an “athlete”, light on a cold September day, I caught a cold. It's a matter of life. I must say that I have been catching a cold for the last 10 years for any reason, always and everywhere, and a cold always ends with a long, two-month-long cough. That's what happened this time as well. But work and business do not wait, so after traveling enough on business trips for a month and noticing that my cough was somehow not getting better, I turned to a Moscow commercial clinic that is considered very cool. Luckily the insurance was good. Long story short: they thrashed me for a month or a month and a half, did a bunch of tests, two computed tomography(CT) and began to vigorously treat for pneumonia. Having tried all the lines of antibiotics on me and found out that for some reason they did not help me, they wanted to roll me up for the third CT scan, but by a happy coincidence they did not do this, but instead, along with the pictures, they sent me to a very competent pulmonologist. After carefully examining the pictures (*) and pointing his finger at the white spot between the heart and the right lung, the luminary said that “this one” should not be here.

Conclusion No. 1: the detection of oncology is largely a matter of chance and is often detected too late.

It cannot be said that on that beautiful day the world collapsed for me. No. Explanations were spinning in my head that this cannot be, because it cannot be in principle: apart from myopia and scoliosis, I am basically healthy; do not smoke and never smoked; I am only 28 years old. No, and again no, it’s probably something else, but the cough, well, yes, it exists, but it had happened 20 times before and nothing, it passed by itself. Here it is necessary to give a remark that while I was being examined and treated by stupid people from the clinic, I myself, as a person prone to analysis and (self) digging on the results of a blood test, as well as symptoms such as mild weight loss, fatigue and night sweats (the so-called B-symptoms ) also came to the conclusion that we can talk about oncology. Of course, with a negligible probability.

Conclusion No. 2: that doctors and patients are psychologically ready to accept any conventional diagnosis, but hardly admit the possibility of oncology

2. "Cut to hell without waiting ..."

Me: I'm here to you, dear name, to make a puncture with a thin needle (**).
-Doc: Uh nah... we don't do that. If you want a puncture, go to the oncologists, and here we cut it according to the normal. Yes, and whatever you have there, let's cut it off, there's nothing good there and you don't need it.
- Me: Umm... unexpectedly, but they told me about the simplest operation. Yes, and what kind of oncology, why should I go to them. Well, okay, if you need it, you need it. How will you cut it?
-Doc: Yes, we are all on fire! A small cut on the side, start the robotics, turn on the monitors and cut everything out.
- Me: Well, what to do: let's.
- Doc: Let's go. We have a queue here, hang out for three weeks and come. Just do a CT scan before hospitalization.

Having made another CT, they upset me. " White spot”has doubled in a month. The preliminary diagnosis read the phrase “T-lymphoma”, which was unknown to me then. Googling the subject. My mood has completely deteriorated. Doubts about the essence of the spot disappeared, and the forecast was not encouraging. The question to cut or not, if it still remained at that time, somehow disappeared by itself. I remember how I counted the days until the moment when they will save me from this muck.

The moment has come. True, before immersing me in anesthesia, Doc said that the concept had changed a little: instead of a gentle operation by a robot, they would open me the old fashioned way using the middle longitudinal cut of the sternum (i.e., approximately like a fish is cut). You will sign the papers later. It seems at that moment I asked the question “What about the robots?” and on that positive note, I was "cut off". And when they “turned it on”, I found out that now I don’t have a lobe of the right lung, a heart bag, and the nerve responsible for the movement of the diaphragm had to be “cut a little”. In addition, it suddenly turned out that such a seemingly insignificant bone from the point of view of the movement of a healthy person as the sternum, in fact, is extremely important for these same movements and hurts at the slightest manipulation of the hands. It still hurts, by the way.

True, there was reason for optimism: the tumor lay on one side on the aorta, but fortunately did not have time to grow to it, otherwise they would have cut off part of the aorta, which, you see, would be pretty bad.

The offal, as usual, was sent to the laboratory, from which came a slightly more pleasant than before answer about the essence of the disease, namely the most “benign” subspecies of Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The diagnosis was signed by some mega-professor.

Much later, when I became probably one of the most knowledgeable non-medical patients in the world, I found out that no one in the world treats lymphoma in this way (ie, by the method of complete cutting off). (***) But more on that another time.

Conclusion No. 3: Caesar's is Caesar's. Heard the keyword "oncology", go to the oncologists, but got to the surgeons - they will do what they are paid for.

(*) neither before nor after this incident, I have never seen a general practitioner who could read CT scans. Everyone reads exclusively extracts to pictures.
(**) so-called. fine needle aspiration
(***) To this day, I am tormented by doubts whether the radical operation was necessary or not. On the one hand, I was not completely cured, on the other hand, they removed the huge and main focus of the tumor and intoxication.

It's getting late and the light is getting dimmer. This concludes the first of N series. Next time, if it takes place, I’ll tell you about where you need to go to never be afraid of horror films again, about the unconditional benefits of “N + 1 opinions”, and also about what a protocol in oncology is and how useful it is to get into it .

20-year-old Moscow student Dmitry Borisov has found himself in the spotlight of the Internet community. He was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, which, even with a tendency to the disease, usually manifests itself by the age of 60. Thanks to social networks and the support of bloggers, he managed to raise about 1 million rubles for treatment. He now receives dozens of messages of support, and recently started blogging on the Ekho Moskvy website. Medialeaks spoke to the young man about life with cancer and the fame that came to him.

We are sitting in the corridor of the Herzen Cancer Institute. The hospital, it would seem, is not much different from the usual for many. People differ, diagnoses, and, of course, the general atmosphere.

Tell me, how did you find out about the diagnosis?

From the age of 4, I began to manifest a rare genetic disease- Neurofibromatosis. There was a tumor the size of a small bump that grew to a large size: it occupied the entire back, half of the chest, and the axillary region right hand. Against this background, around the autumn-winter of last year, another small bump began to grow under the tumor.

I did not attach any importance to this: well, the next knot has grown and okay - their appearance is typical of my disease. Soon the state of health began to deteriorate, apathy appeared. By spring, I already had a bigger bump. But at that time there was study, and you know how it usually happens with men - business first, and then health. By May, the bump was already the size of a small fruit, and one morning I simply could not get out of bed from the pain. Polyclinics began in May, and then the bump began to grow explosively - now, as you can see, it is already the size of a soccer ball.

What did the doctors say?

Few people have heard of neurofibromatosis - you come to the doctor, and they say to you, “I read about you at the university in a book.” In general, this is a benign disease, and when no cancer cells were found, I calmed down a bit, bought some painkillers and continued my studies and going to clinics.

Once I got to the Russian Academy of Medical Sciences to a good young surgeon, they sent me for an MRI, they began to find out what kind of monster was growing. Thought it might be a cyst or a fat cell. We looked, and the doctor says to me - what about the lungs? I say nothing, I have a normal lifestyle, last year they did an x-ray, so nothing should happen. Then I took a picture, and it turned out that I had metastases in my lungs. The specialists said that it looks like a sarcoma, but not a fact, an additional consultation is needed. Well, it started. I went to the Central Clinical Hospital, they did a biopsy. It turned out to be a malignant tumor. Transferred to the Herzen Cancer Institute. He was hospitalized, the tests were rechecked, and it was confirmed that the tumor was malignant - from the sheaths of peripheral nerves with a grade of G2.

That is, in fact, it is a cancer of the nervous system?

With a stretch, we can say that yes, nerve cancer, but to be more precise, it is still a malignant tumor from the sheaths of peripheral nerves of soft tissues. The strange thing is that neurofibromatosis usually behaves very badly by the age of 60, that is, I always thought that 40 years would be one hundred percent for self-realization. I didn't even imagine that this could happen. He believed that if something bad starts, it will be later. But, unfortunately, this happened now, when everything in life was just beginning to take shape in everything. And such an ailment is a rare genetic disease against the background of the rarest form of cancer. There is not a single center in the world dealing with this. That is, it is such a struggle with the unknown.

This fasting in Facebook shared by almost 2.5 thousand people. More than 1.7 thousand liked, 225 commented. The entire Internet is already following the fate of the young man. He admits that sometimes he gets tired of constant attention.

“Dear friends, a big hello to everyone!
My real name is Dmitry Borisov, I am a [already] 4th year student at the excellent Higher School of Economics, and this is really my page. I am a living, real-life guy of 20 years. As you already know, quite recently I started new life, which I am not at all happy about and now I am doing everything in my power to return to my former life.

How do you feel about your popularity?

This, of course, is the support army. But sometimes I get tired of dozens of the same type of messages with the word "hold on." On the other hand, it gave me an even greater desire to live - now I have so many new interesting acquaintances. I’m also no longer sure that you need to flaunt your personal life, maybe I started it in vain. They sometimes write me comments like “so that you die sooner, liberalist.” And I get upset.

What else helps you the most to keep your spirits up?

I just try to perceive everything as a game of chance: the last stage - okay, it will be more interesting to win.

What was cancer for me? Something beyond my reality. The usual, measured, like jelly, life dragged on. Somewhere out there, someone was struggling with this illness, that is, such an incredible clot of grief was concentrated, such a tragedy played out that it is impossible for the average person to imagine that all this is one world, that there is no partition between these realities.
What did I feel at that moment? It seemed that he had gone crazy. Not in the sense that he began to hear mysterious voices or behave strangely. Rather, something similar to the experience of a just sentenced to death flickered.

What are the doctors saying now?

A lot of bad things. The documents were handed over to one of the best oncologists in the country and throughout Eastern Europe, and now it should become clear what type of cells there are - there are two options: one in which there is treatment, long, expensive, painful, but it is. At the second treatment simply does not exist. At the same time, no one is going to refuse me and they will offer various options experimental treatment.

When will it become clear?

Most likely in 10 days, two weeks. Experts from Germany and the USA should look there. But in any case, the doctors said to do chemo, and such things are almost not susceptible to chemistry, which is very bad.

At the same time, as you wrote, you were prescribed a lot of chemistry?

Infinitely many. The fact is that there is a certain percentage anyway - cancers are very individual. And what remains if nothing else helps? Now I had the first course of chemotherapy, soon there will be a second one, and after it there will be tissue sampling, tests, they will see if the tumor has reacted.

What is chemotherapy in reality?

I thought that you were sitting in an easy chair, around special objects, that this was some kind of special ceremony. In fact, they just brought me a dropper to the ward - 4 cans are hanging, 4 are still with me, they said that they will drip everything now, it will take 8 hours. They inserted a catheter into a vein. And they started pouring. One course is five days.

What were the feelings?

The first time I didn't feel anything. I was even a little upset - I expected some kind of hell. And the doctor says - wait a little longer. On the second day of chemo, I felt tired and started to feel nauseous. After that, I immediately went to bed, and at night I woke up from cracked lips, gums, cheeks stuck to the gums - dryness began and headache. The third chemistry - appeared severe vomiting, I began to understand that smells and tastes are changing, in general, it started in full. The fourth or fifth day is insane fatigue. You lie and do not understand what you are tired of. He opened the head, looked, he was already tired, you close it, you need to sleep. It was hard for me to even talk.

After chemo, you get used to the new you. You don’t know what you can eat: something has lost its taste, the other, on the contrary, has a terrible taste and immediately vomits. I remember that I went out into the corridor and felt such a range of smells and tastes - I generally went crazy. You smell the scents that no one else has. And he took his favorite perfume and immediately threw up. I thought it smelled awful, and it used to be my favorite cologne.

But after 3 weeks they promised hair loss, so I'll change the style a bit. I'm ready for this, for me it's just a change of image. It’s a pity only eyebrows and eyelashes, they say they also fall out, I will look like an alien. But it doesn't matter.

From a Facebook post: “What was I thinking? "B**". Somehow I thought at first and I think it is quite worthy for 20 years. It was already then that they went “too early”, “will I wait for my beloved from Vladivostok”, “and my parents”, “and my mother”, “friends, my poor friends and girlfriends”, “I didn’t have time to write a book”, and many, many, many things . The panic did not last long. After that, fear disappeared from my life. Yes, it's a shame, it hurts, but it's not scary at all. I decided that I really want to live. I want and I will.

What did you want at that moment? To be alone, to talk with friends?

Just keep on living. I am annoyed by films that talk about people who have diseases, and here they come off for the last three months. Nothing changes at all in life. A new stage is coming, I reacted to it this way. There were some stormy emotions, there was nothing like that, at least I can’t remember it now.

(Of course, I also remember these films. The same song from “Knocking on Heaven’s Knockin’ plays in my head, everything is so romantic. But in fact, we are sitting in a hospital, patients with stone faces pass by, silently next to them relatives are coming with packages—Olga Khokhryakova).

Are you talking to someone here?

The mood in the hospital is very bad. Mostly there are adults who have lived more than half of their lives, with families, businesses, and children. And they always sit so gloomy, although they have already managed to realize themselves.

How do you generally feel now?

Lousy. No, it’s actually normal, the main thing is to get yourself up in the morning, because in the morning everything that has accumulated during the night appears - headache, fatigue, nausea. It goes away in a day - you start moving, people come. Especially the people are very helpful. A friend came to me with good news - he got a job, and for two hours we talked with him about everything except the illness. And it really saves. You feel morally good, you are pleased and you forget about the consequences of the same chemistry, pain.

Has your outlook on life changed?

Yes, the outlook has changed a lot. I was always so serious, sad, death is a great way out, I thought. There has never been anything positive about me. Although for me it was difficult to say - in public I always joked. This is a great escape from reality. I felt all the tragedy of the world. And now I realized that I was probably wrong. I want to live terribly.

What will you do when you get better?

You have to rush somewhere. I will recover and I will travel a lot around the world. I would go to Northern Europe, Scandinavia to see.

Why go there?

The climate, firstly, my diseases are greatly affected by the sun, so I can’t stand the heat. Well, for me the main thing is that there is something to see. Because wallowing in the sea is not for me, I love smart rest, castles, mountains.

By the way, did you write about a girl from Vladivostok?

Yes, we walked for several months, she knew from the beginning that I was sick for life, but she immediately accepted it. No matter how long I lived, not a single person ever rejected me, it was just my inner fears. When my health problems began, I began to say that perhaps I would die soon. When this began to be confirmed, she went home. She lives far away and has an elderly mother. At first I was offended, but in fact there is nothing to be offended at. But if she was there all this time, it would be very cool.

Tell me what is the most important thing in life?

Health is probably the most important thing, and then a sober mind, friends, girls, everything will be fine in the family, work, study. The main thing is health. Although ... you can be a healthy and complete idiot in life. It's better to be a reasonable person, but with cancer, yes, it's probably better.

I don't like hospitals. Who loves them. But on this day, I did not have a heaviness in my soul, which usually settles after staying in such places. I had a feeling that I just went to chat with a friend to visit - Dima, even being in cancer center with a malignant tumor, charges with a good mood, captivating with its openness and directness. I was driving to the subway and thought about what everyone had, and everything would definitely be fine with him.